Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i was born a porn star she said
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
