If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
