i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
