you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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