Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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