hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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