He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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