We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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