I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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