Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
