I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
