Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
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She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
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you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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