I cut my penus on the lid.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
the raccoons are back...
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