I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
