I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
