I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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