i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
