Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
