I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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