Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
