He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
