Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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