$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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