so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
