just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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