Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
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It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize