My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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