that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
