I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
