Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
