Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm at about main and main street
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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