Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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