I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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