Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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