I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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