When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize