She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
