sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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