the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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