3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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