The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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