At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
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But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
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It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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