Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
