do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
