my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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