Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
