3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize