Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
