I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
