waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize