I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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