I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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