HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
