I think I am morally bankrupt
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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