I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Why are your pants in the freezer?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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