Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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