she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
