Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
