Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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