Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
