i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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