all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
