You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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