Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
