It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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