Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
