end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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