You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
